I worked with this guy many moons ago who had been in the executive placement industry. 

He had recommended the best interviewing book at the time called Knock 'Em Dead Job Interview...which I still recommend today (especially the flashcards) to anyone honing the skill of interviewing well.

But I digress...because what I really wanted to share with you today is the best interviewing advice the guy I worked with gave me. 

Which really turned into some of the best advice I ever got (considering it's 23 years later and I'm still sharing it.)

And I share it when it's applicable to situations besides interviewing.

Which is a lot of other situations.

So here it is:

Imagine the interviewer is so darned excited that you are there...that you are answering these questions so well...that you are exactly who she is looking for...she is TURNING CARTWHEELS in her head while interviewing you.

She is SO darned excited.

CARTWHEELS.

She has to temper her excitement about you being the perfect fit.

She may not be showing that with her verbal tone or facial expressions, but rest assured, she feels it.

That's it.  That's some of the best advice I ever got and it's been serving me ever since.

This is really a visualization technique:  Assuming the best. 

Mind-reading to your good.  (Usually when we're mind-reading we are thinking the opposite, aren't we?)

Imagine actually thinking this about the other person in your next interview.  In your next meeting.  On your next date. 

That s/he is turning proverbial cartwheels in his/her head about you.

How might that change how you show up?

How might it change the outcome?

The Mental 'Gremlin' Voice

Ugh...that negative voice in your head. 

You know the one.

It tells you things like:  "That was a really stupid thing to say," and "You should have done that," or "You should have known that."  (More about stopping 'shoulds' here.)

What does your negative voice say to you?

What’s it sound like?

Can you isolate it?

We've all got a negative voice.  Some term it a gremlin, an evil twin.  Arianna Huffington called that voice 'the obnoxious roommate in your head.' 

And we all have a positive one.

Listening for the 'Evil Twin'

When I work with clients on confidence, usually we start by having the client just notice when the negative voice is 'talking.'  What's the situation?  What's the voice saying?  What's s/he sound like?

A few months ago I was working with a client I'll call Jill. 

Jill tried the 'just notice' exercise for a week and we talked about what she noticed. 

What did her negative voice say?

She told me that the voice says:  "I don't deserve to be in this job.  That I really should have spoken up in that meeting but I was afraid I was going to say something stupid."

Well, no WONDER she lacks confidence. I would too, if that's what I told myself.

Where Does the Evil Twin Come From?

This negative voice is a reflex...a habit. 

And as we grow and listen and evolve, we either choose to listen to this voice and give it an attentive audience, or we learn to develop a different muscle and talk back.  

The negative voice can gain traction and become a bigger muscle, or it can be balanced out by logic and reason by your real self, your logical self.  

Your champion.

So for right now...

Just notice...  

Notice what you're saying to yourself.  Notice the situations where negative self-talk happens more.  Make a note when you can of the situation, who else was there, and what you were saying to yourself.

Keep it up for about a week. 

After that, check your notes.  Do you see/feel any patterns?  Common situations, certain people?  

This takes practice.  We're looking to identify that negative voice so we can isolate it. 

Right now, you may not even be aware of what it's doing and its power in your head.

Try it.

(And by the way, that negative voice? It's not you.)

PS.  How's The Three Things practice going?  
 

Acting as if you’re confident

You all know I'm not a fan of acting 'as if.'  

It's usually the first thing people try when trying to get over their lack of confidence. 

"Just do it!" they tell themselves.  

"Just BE confident."

If it were easy, you'd have already done it.

Oh, don't get me wrong.  Acting 'as if' you’re confident works...for about 4 minutes.

Until you forget, or something happens to send you back to the comfortable feelings of self-doubt or negative self-talk. 

Those habits are a well-worn groove in your behavior.

But what if you have to, say, give a presentation in a meeting?  Or meet the CEO?  Or...some other situation in which you could really benefit from a shot of courage?

How can you ‘act as if’ in a more compelling way?

Confidence and body language

Enter...the superhero pose.

How it works: 

1. Stand up, feet shoulder-width apart, straighten your spine, put your shoulders back, jut out your chin, and put your hands in fists resting just behind your hip bones. 

2. Close your eyes and take a deep breath. 

3. Imagine you're wearing a flowy cape. 

4. Say your mantra to yourself.  Or just say "I will do great.  I will do great."  Or "I AM great." Anything present- or future-tense that brings positive anticipation to the moment.

YOU NEED THIS:

That's it.  You're going to feel silly doing it.  That's a given. 

But that passes. 

And it works.

It's hard to feel timid or weak when your posture tells you (and others) you're strong.

Try it.

Want more confidence at work? 

Yes.

Can you spare 3 minutes a day? 

Yes.  {If the answer's not yes, we should probably talk about productivity.}

This is the ONE exercise that my clients say made the biggest difference in their perspective, how they felt and their confidence level - fast.

It starts with 6 minutes over two days...and then it keeps going.  For the rest of your life, if need be.  But likely not.

I call it The Three Things, and it's a tool that's a part of the Ultimate Guide I wrote, How to Be Confident at Work .

Here's what you do:

Every single day, write down three things you did well. 

That's it.

I know, seemingly ridiculously simple right?  But there’s some nuances here that are very important to this practice. 

We’re not talking about a gratitude journal. 

Practicing 'an attitude of gratitude' is a great thing and you can have more joy in your life if you do it. 

But if you think about the things we’re grateful for, usually they’re things that happen to us, or happen by luck, or happen by chance, or they’re already in your life  – maybe due to an extenuating factor.

We’re looking for something else here – we’re looking for direct cause and effect. 

That’s a very different thing. 

Things you caused.  By your behavior.

Writing down three things you did well - daily - is the one habit that has made the biggest difference for my clients. 

Whether you’re working to lessen imposter syndrome, or creating more confidence at work to accelerate your own growth, this simple and powerful habit can change your life. 

How?  

You're training your brain. 

Building new neural pathways, if you want to get right down to it.

That's why results can happen so quickly - by setting aside a defined time, your subconscious starts looking for evidence of things you’re doing well during your day.  

BTW, YOU NEED THIS:

How to Be Confident at Work

You're actually training your brain to accentuate all the things you are good at, the things you already do - the things you aren't giving yourself credit for. 

And then you recognize those things, and start doing more of them. 

It's a self-fulfilling prophecy.

You can be skeptical.  That's okay. 

And then you can try it. 

Should I dare you?

The muscle grows when you lift the weight, whether you want it to or not.

PS. These are my favorite journals (they come in either dotted pages, lined, or plain - I'm impressed if you can keep your lines straight without a guide) ~ and remind me to tell you how to work this practice into Bullet Journaling, if you're into that.